Itisi

The nebulous ramblings; grammatical & punctuational experiments of a girl born on the fifth of November

Category: Cricket

How Cricket Was Invented

Apparently, there’s some cricket thing going on. Ordinarily, I would know nothing of this*, but, for some reason, people keep talking to me about it. I’m not entirely sure why, but am tempted to ask, is it ’cause I is English?. If it is, I hate to disabuse these people, but we don’t all love cricket. There is no natural law that states s/he is English and shall therefore love all things crickety.

The truth is, most of us couldn’t care less about it. I personally think it is, quite possibly, the second most boring sport in the world**. I also have a theory about how it came into being which I will share with you today. I shall then pack a bag and head for a non-cricketing country to escape all the abuse I anticipate may be hurled at me.

My theory goes: Cricket was never actually intended to be a sport. It was invented by a group of men who decided it would be cool to stand around for hours, not doing much apart from smoking pipes and comparing beards***. The problem was, more industrious people (women) kept asking them why they were standing around not doing much, which made them feel pretty darn lazy.

The day was saved when one of them had a brilliant idea. He grabbed a plank, sent someone home to borrow an old tennis ball the family dog played with, and the two of them provided a diversion for all the other standing-around chaps. His gamble paid off, in fact it worked really well! People were convinced and wanted to know what this new game was. The bloke with a plank had a sudden moment of inspiration when he heard a grasshopper, and christened the game, cricket.

Of course, the only way to keep up the subterfuge was to turn up day after day to play ‘cricket’. Eventually, their ranks were swelled by other men who liked to stand around not doing much, and lo, the second most boring sport in the history of humanity was born.

And that’s what really happened! Honestly ;-)

* To give you an idea of my lack of interest in it, today I tweeted that the cricket had kicked off. I have a feeling that’s not how matches start.

**  The most boring? Golf. Which was invented by men who liked to wander around the countryside with other men, but were a bit insecure about their masculinity and felt they needed an excuse to do so.

*** It was the 19th century or something, they all had beards, even the women.

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16 Comments by Kate on July 9, 2009
filed in Cricket, Humour, silliness
tagged , ,

Sean Bean, Irish Cricket and Media Tips for Osama

Hello Dear Reader, I’ve been a bit busy so no posts for a day or two I’m afraid. However, I’m now back to bore you with my ramblings. I’ll begin by telling you that I am a happy bunny. I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but ITV are rewarding me with two consecutive evenings of Sean Bean, Yorkshire’s only do-able famous bloke*. OK, it’s only Sharpe, which isn’t the greatest thing ever, but he does stride around in a very blokey way saying things like ey-oop, and bugger, which I find strangely attractive.

For the first time ever, someone has linked to an actual post on this blog, rather than the main page. Appreciation at last :-) The blog in question is timrollpickering which is well worth a visit, not least because while I was there, I discovered that Ireland has a cricket team. I come from an Irish family and this was news to even me. It’s true though, who’d have guessed. Mind you this isn’t enough to make me take an interest in the game, I have never understood cricket, and I find the bizarre terminology highly amusing. I mean, silly mid whatever, googly . . . that just sounds rude . . . and quite honestly, I think the whole sport is just an excuse for men to stand around doing nothing. I have similar feelings about golf . . . if you want to go for a walk, do so, don’t try to pretend you are playing a serious sport.

( I have a feeling I have now alienated half the population of England, oops)

I noticed that following his latest video release, the media are now referring to Osama Bin Laden as OBL. Is this because he is he is an old, boring looney? Sorry, couldn’t resist that. His videos are very dull too. Really, he is becoming a bit like terrorism’s equivalent of Blink182, releasing a series of soundalike videos in quick succession. It’s always the same thing, ‘hiss, boo, the West sucks’ and all on what appears to be very cheap video tape. Has this man never heard of DVD? Or maybe trying a few special effects? A laser show in the background would jazz things up no end, or he could warm up his audience with a few jokes, and a spot of conjuring.

*Let’s face it Harvey Smith and Geoffrey Boycott don’t exactly offer much of a challenge in the do-ability stakes.

Finally, here is a quiz which helps you discover which European city is best for you. I’m guessing it’s aimed at folk from the other side of the pond, but why not have a go, and see if you are in fact living in the right place.


You Belong in Dublin


Friendly and down to earth, you want to enjoy Europe without snobbery or pretensions.

You’re the perfect person to go wild on a pub crawl… or enjoy a quiet bike ride through the old part of town.

Listening to: Californication – Red Hot Chili Peppers

I appreciate you dropping by,
Please leave a comment, don’t be shy


2 Comments by Kate on April 24, 2006
filed in Celebs, Cricket, News, Politics, Quizzes, Television
tagged , , , , ,