Itisi

The nebulous ramblings; grammatical & punctuational experiments of a girl born on the fifth of November

Category: Celebs

On fish, Jan Moir, superheroes and jammy spoons

Often, if I see subjects I’d like to mention here, I make little notes to refresh my memory when the time comes to write the post. This week I did that, and while most of my scrawlings still make sense, I’m blowed if I know why I jotted down the words ‘jammy spoon’. I’ve been racking my brain all afternoon and I still can’t figure out why I thought you needed to know about such a thing. So, sorry, no jammy spoons for you. However, you do get this:

- From Monday, your blogger will be donning her editorial hat over at eggnchips, so pop over and have a read …. and make sure you subscribe because I want to make a good impression! In fact, you could go further and send (bribes) gifts to the owner in the form of money, expensive watches, cake … especially cake, everyone can be bribed by cake. OK, the cake thing might just be me, but I do hope to see you there!

- I really enjoyed this post from Jo over at Slummy Single Mummy rebutting yet another spite-filled rant from Jan Moir.

In case you didn’t know, Jan now has the right to say pretty much anything she likes, about anyone she likes, as long as she dresses it up as opinion. Hmm. Using the logic of the PPC, I’m awfully tempted to share my opinion of Jan, but that would include such words as ‘bitter, twisted professional bully whose only talent is to be obnoxious’, which would be unkind, so I won’t.

- The Guardian are asking people who their favourite superhero is. Disappointingly,  the poll is a bit small, you can only choose Superman or Batman, both of whom are obviously inferior to Spiderman. Spiderman is, in my opinion, the superhero of choice for all creative geeks. But if you think differently let me know in the comments :-)

- Last night on The Bubble, David Mitchell mentioned an upsetting experience he had with tropical fish. I never thought I’d blog these words, but here goes:  I had an even more distressing experience with tropical fish. Well, not just me, it was a trauma the whole family could share, every time we sat down to watch television.

When we first moved here, we rented a house which came equipped with a tank full of tropical fish. Unfortunately, the previous tenants hadn’t looked after the original fish very well, so the estate agent had restocked the tank. Even more unfortunately, he didn’t know much about fish and brought the wrong sort. In amongst all the pretty, glittery ones, he’d added two big, black shark-like things that proceeded to systematically eat every other fish in the tank. The tank was above the television – yes, I thought that was a bad idea too – so every time we tried to watch a programme, we were transfixed by scenes of fishicide.

It was really, really awful. I’m not joking. It’s very hard to explain to a small child why delightful, little creatures are being torn fin from fin only feet away from the Teletubbies.  And the problem with badly behaved fish is you can’t do much about them – it’s not as if you can build them a kennel or take them to training classes. Instead, I resorted to shouting, ‘No! No! Please stop eating your friends!’, but they didn’t listen.

Anyhoo, eventually all the pretty, little fish were gone, and we were left with their murderers. This was even more disturbing because they developed a habit of coming to the front of the tank and giving us this look, a look that said, ‘one day we’ll get out of here, then you’ll be on the menu’. Just after that we moved.

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What’s more exciting than the next general election?

Last year Twitter was ‘discovered’ by celebs and became their new favourite way to ‘talk’ to the little people*.  Now politicians are getting in on the act – it’s not really surprising, they are a bit like celebs, only with mostly unflattering hairstyles. In fact thinking about it, politics is a bit like the embarrassing uncle or aunt who turn up at celebrity’s birthday party and try to impress everyone with their performance of that dance from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. But I digress …

I have a few thoughts about the influx of that would-be trendy Westminster crowd:

1) You know how there are those odd people who throw themselves at celebrity tweeters**? Are we going to see that happening but to politicians? I really hope not. The thought of anyone tweeting something like ‘ooh, Dave your shiny, pink face makes me all hot and bothered’  to @davidcamereron is more than my stomach can take.

An even more appalling thought is that someone might get a bit frisky with Anne Widdecombe sending her into a frenzy, and she’ll then start screeching (to anyone who’ll listen) about her conviction that Twitter is a hot bed of sin and debauchery. Even worse than that, is the thought that she might respond positively to her admirer …

2) This is a serious point. When politicians are only a tweet away they’re more accessible, well, in theory. And not only do we have an almost immediate way to tell them what we think, they have the chance to hear a wider range of views. A lot of people have strong opinions about various issues, but don’t get around to writing a letter,  or sending an email to express them. Tweeting is a lot quicker, so I think more people will contact them.

3) We get to find out which is the friendliest party. Which follow back and which are just there to collect numbers. Who engages with their followers, and who just preaches about how great their policies are.

I made a very, very small start on that: so far I’m following Tom Watson, Nick Clegg, Vince Cable and John Prescott. Prescott is not following me back, I’m not sure if I should be relieved or insulted.

Anyhoo, I decided to draw up a league table for them.

Name Following Engagement Party
Tom Watson 1 1 Lab
Vince Cable 1 0 LibDem
Nick Clegg 1 0 LibDem
John Prescott 0 0 Lab

As you can see, Labour are leading the table in my study (which is completely scientific if tiny, and only composed of two parties) due to the efforts of Tom Watson (well worth a follow!) Messrs Clegg*** and Cable tie for second, while Mr Prescott is propping them all up. Oh dear.

To be completely fair, I suppose I should follow more, and probably Tories too. Hmm. I’ll get on to that and report back with my findings.

* No, not hobbits, I mean us, the great unwashed.

** Because one day Ashton Kutcher is so going to leave Demi Moore and run to the waiting arms of @mabelscroggins in Basingstoke.

*** One of the few politicians who doesn’t have unflattering hair. Compare him to Cameron and Brown; one looks like he uses the same barber as his dad, the other like he’d only get a haircut if his wife told him to.



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