Itisi

Imagine this: for some reason I go a bit peculiar*, and decide that you can no longer read my posts here unless you pay me. I wouldn’t be unreasonable, I’d only ask for say, 1.99 a post – quite a bargain, you’d be be getting ten posts for a mere 20 of our fine English pounds. Oh, but I’d also get quite cross if anyone dared to share those posts with a friend, even if they did so because they really, really liked them, and did have a subscription. Or even if the person hadn’t actually shared the post at all, and had only appeared to do so because someone had hacked into their internet connection. Even then, I’d still be taking action. In those cases, I’d take the person to court, have them fined more than the annual average wage, and insist that their internet connection was taken away. Would you think that was fair? Would you still want to read my blog? Thought not. Would you actually say something like, ‘no Kate, that’s not how it works on the internet, content providers have to use a bit of imagination to find a way to make money from their product’? Thought so.

So, why on earth does Peter Mandelson think he can turn the clock back to 1987 by introducing ill thought out and draconian laws which will do little to protect the rights of musicians, but which will lead to innocent people receiving huge fines and having their internet access taken away from them. In his guise as David Geffen’s knight in shining armour (aaw bless) Mandy plans to make himself into some kind of internet overlord, with the power to stamp out piracy wherever it occurs**, and the ability to change the law and introduce new charges and penalties whenever he, or his cool, rock kid buddies think it’s necessary.

In this post I was going to focus on how pointless, illogical and unfair Mandelson’s bill is, but what would be the point? Mandy isn’t going to listen to me. I’m unlikely to hang out with him during luxury holidays on idyllic islands; he won’t care about the entertainment industry’s awful track record of accusing innocent people; he has no interest in customers who will have to pay more for their broadband connection because isps will be expected to police his new bill; it wouldn’t enter his pretty little head to suggest his new chums find a new business model in the same way bloggers, designers, artists and many musicians, film makers and writers have.

No. None of that will matter to Mandy, he’s too star struck to see sense. He’d rather join Geffen, Murdoch et al in a pointless finger-in-dyke act, and if the rest of us have to suffer wrongful prosecutions, or pay more, so be it. After all, when have the record companies ever cared about customers paying over the odds? They’ve been ripping us off for years by charging ridiculous prices for over-produced crap performed by ‘musicians’ who have to mime during live performances because they don’t actually have any talent. They claim they want to save the music industry, even though music existed long before they did, and if anyone is stifling creativity it is them with their obsessive pushing of packaged ‘acts’ instead of genuinely talented people.

So, I won’t mention any of that. Instead I’ll address those Labour MPs who might quite like their party to stand a chance of being re-elected. And to them I say: this bill could easily become your poll tax, remember how that turned out for Tories? Do you seriously want to be associated with a bill which not only gives one (unelected) individual the power to make up the law as he goes along, but which will also lead to the prosecution and social disenfranchisement of innocent people? Really, it’s only going to take a vicar and a couple of old ladies to end up in court for you to be about as popular as a Margaret Thatcher lookee-likee at the anti-Poll Tax riots. And anyway, don’t you really just hate him as much as we (the voters) do? Wouldn’t you just love to see him thwarted? You’d be like an army of van Helsing’s defeating a particularly creepy … no actually, just a particular creep. He’d probably erupt in flames, then disappear with an uninspired hiss … of course, if that happened the footage from Live in Parliament would be all over the file sharing networks in nanoseconds

* No, I don’t know why, but if it really matters we’ll say I’ve been listening to Britney Spears while under the influence of Buttercup Syrup. That should do it!

** Anyone else wonder if he’s identifying a little too strongly with Jack Davenport’s character in Pirates of the Caribbean? Maybe he lost out to a Johnny Depp lookee-likee^ at an impressionable age, and now sees his chance to avenge himself.

^ I’ve used lookee-likee twice … must be a good post

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