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GregThought it was time I popped in for one of my irregular visits to this blog before I start to receive emails asking if I’ve been abducted by aliens. I was going to bring you a well thought out piece about the Guardian gagging furore, but I’ve got a headache, so instead here’s some random stuff I’ve done and thought …
- Been blogging here and here. If you visit say nice things, it might persuade them I’m worth keeping.
- I was a little miffed to notice someone unfollow me on Twitter after I tweeted that I liked a particular Pearl Jam song. Why would someone do that? However, then I reconsidered: that’s not really a bad thing is it? Anyone who hates Pearl Jam that much was never going to be on the same wavelength as me; not even Radio-1-to-my-Radio-4 close, so it’s a good job they’ve gone. And really, I should be appealing for haters of Led Zep, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Manic Street Preachers to hit the unfollow button too. Also, people who don’t like Martin Scorsese, or Humphrey Bogart, or Escher, or Manet*, or cats. Those who don’t get Monty Python should probably go, along with those who do get Chubby Brown. Anyone who’d say yes to the question ‘does my bum look big in this?’ … oh, anyone who gets to snog Sean Bean, and people who don’t RT my tweets. (Do you think the last two are a bit picky?)
- I’ve decided never to visit Melbourne. I’m sure it’s lovely, but I’m not going now a study from the University of Melbourne has revealed it’s a breeding ground for spooky, super-intelligent babies. OK, it doesn’t actually say that in the article, but what other conclusion can you draw when you read “children under the age of two should be banned from watching TV or using other electronic media, including computers and DVDs”? What kind of toddler does that? How many babies do you know who are au fait with the workings of an iPhone?
I know about under twos, I’ve had some experience in that area. Up to the age of one, they struggle to control their own limbs let alone concentrate. And why watch tv when the real world is so incredibly fascinating! They veer between amazement and amusement at every mundane detail; the under-ones are the only people who can be genuinely entertained watching someone load a washing machine. Who needs Dancing Celebrities in the Jungle, when you’ve got a pile of dirty socks?! (Hmm, yes, the babies might have a point.)
After the age of one, they turn into mini-mountaineers and proceed to scale every item of furniture in the house. When they aren’t doing that, they like to stick things up their nose, or paint other children interesting colours (which is why water-soluble art materials are a very good idea**). Their only interest in television comes in the form of a penchant for doing the legendary bum-waggling-boogie toddlers so excel at every time they hear an advert with a particularly annoying jingle.
Watch television? They don’t have time, they’ve yet to conquer the north face of the dining table – once they do, they will gleefully paint each other purple, stick peas up their noses and celebrate with a victory boogie to the We Buy Any Car jingle. Swap the beer for Ribena, and children between the ages of one and two really are very much like students during freshers’*** week. Toddlers don’t have time for tv either; it’s more fun to drink three cups of apple juice and dance on the table.
Of course, the above are human children. The tv-watching-internet-surfing-dvd-playing ones at Melbourne University – I’m not so sure.
* The reason I have a large collection of Monet items; when I mention Manet, people think that’s who I mean and buy me books, stationery, prints (obviously) and even wallpaper. And I have to smile and thank them politely, even though I’m thinking MANET, NOT MONET! THEY’RE VERY, VERY DIFFERENT!
** Yes, it seems obvious until the time you’re in a hurry and forget to check, then spend three days explaining why your child has an orange moustache.
*** I Googled that term last week and was amazed to see how often it was incorrectly punctuated – these are university websites! (When I was at uni, we were beaten for incorrect usage of the possessive apostrophe. Oh no, that wasn’t me and it wasn’t punctuation: it was Oliver Twist and asking for more food. ) It’s freshers’, not fresher’s, there are many freshers, not one with their own week.
See, I you told it was random stuff 
Thinking: there should have been elephants though …
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Yvonne Vene2ia
/ October 13, 2009You're absolutely right – invariably, people get Manet & Monet confused. My theory is – it's only possible if they have never compared a Manet & Monet painting side by side. They've only ever compared the names 'Manet' & 'Monet' side by side (and you know how there's hardly any difference between an 'a' and an 'o', right?)
I've an even better idea for you – next time you mention Manet, encourage your friends *not* to get you Monet, but to get you some Money instead. After all, what's the difference between a 't' and a 'y' amongst friends!
Kate
/ October 14, 2009Now that's an idea! If I slightly alter the pronunciation I'll be in money lol
Talking of money – I was going to buy the Guernsey Potato Pie book yesterday, along with the one Jayne mentioned in my last post, but the I can't, an atm stole my card. Did you know they run on Windows? The machine reset itself just like a computer. Windows? What's that about?!
R.K. Charron
/ October 14, 2009Hi Kate
I loved your stream-of-consciousness post.
“mini-mountaineers” is so apt.
Thanks for sharing!
Love & Best Wishes,
RKCharron
xoxo
Stephen Glanville
/ October 14, 2009Hi Kate
And you did that with a headache?!!!
I'll have to tell Spike. Headaches as a writer's block remedy?…Excellent! He might add it to his Freelance Writer's Toolkit…ay-bluddy-mazing! 
I'm gunna go and bang my head against a wall right now…oh hang on, I've been doing that all week jousting with Telcos & Gov't Service Providers and, and, and, and…seems I may have had a headache for so long I don't notice anymore
Don't let embryonic geeks put you off Melbourne though Kate…but if you do go, don't go for a holiday…go for a sabbatical. You have to be there for long enough for it to soak. There are some that consider it the 'Writer's Capital'.
I lived there for a couple of years and loved it. Bazillions of second hand bookshops that you can smell from the street…sandstone cafes that are only 10 feet wide, but they go for 200 feet up fig encrusted wobbly, cobbled staircased hillsides, with little galleries and studios studded randomly either side, wafted with the smell of coffee, oil paints, old books and honey-suckle, stirred into smoky spirals, so they're not mixed, just swirled…
And I don't know what it's like over your neck o' the woods, but in Melbourne folks use parks like their lounge rooms…they live in them…there's always something interesting and creative happening for free in Melbourne…it's unlike any other 'Osstraalyun' city.
The only reason I can't live there for a long time is that it's too flat and the sky is a bit pale for me…so is the sun. But I s'pose that's only 'cause I grew up on the coast North of Sydney. Mountains, bright blue sky and Ocean everywhere…
I love Canberra even better…high up in the mountains, with the bluest sky you've ever seen…and where I am, it's only about 75klm from the Ocean (as the crow flies)…right near the edge of the range where it drops down to the coastal plain…so we get the afternoon sea mist and the smell of the ocean…pretty neat.
Geez, I just read what I wrote and it sounds like a bad travel brochure…no I'm not bucking for a job with Australian Tourism
…I just love certain bits…
My idea of romance is getting plastered on cheap Port and coffee that dissolves your spoon, at 10 o'clock in the morning with Henry Miller, Herman Hesse, Jorge Louis Borges and Franz Kafka in a sidewalk Cafe in Dadaist France…never been there, but I can smell it when I read about it…
My idea of University has always been sitting under a big ol' tree with an old grumpy person that thinks everyone else are idiots…
Anyway…it seems that randomness it pleasantly contagious…
Thanks for the great headache…I mean post
Cheers
Stephen G
Kate
/ October 14, 2009Hi Rob
Thank you! I remember the mini-mountaineering days with fondness lol
How are you? Haven't seen you for a while
Kate
/ October 14, 2009Hi Stephen
I'd forgotten you know Spike – he's great, one of my favourite people.
Reading back, it's not bad considering the headache lol Think I've got so used to working when I'm ill I can usually pull something out of the bag. Hope your headaches (literal and metaphorical) have gone!
OK, I'll put Melbourne back on the list – actually it sounds wonderful. I haven't seen much of it, just the street in Neighbours really, which I'm guessing isn't typical. You're from Sydney? You don't play the guitar do you? BTW I know what you mean about flat, this part of Yorkshire is, well, relatively so. I lived on the coast for years with huge cliffs and hills that were almost vertical; walking is almost boring now I'm on flatter ground lol
You *really* should go to France! It's such an experience. Paris is incredible, so much history and culture. And the rural parts are still pretty unspoilt, and surrounded by amazing scenery. it really is a *must see* place. I'm hoping to go next summer; I'll make sure I post photos to tempt you
“an old grumpy person that thinks everyone else are idiots”
Sounds like a chap at York lol He was really into the Icelandic Sagas and thought the rest of us were morons cause we weren't.
Stephen Glanville
/ October 15, 2009Hi Kate
Yep! Headaches gone
Re: Melbourne: I don't even know if Neighbours is a real street? Nor if it is even in Melbourne?…I don't watch it. From the little I have seen of it, I'd say it's fairly typical of urban sprawl, but not at all representative of the character of our cities…especially Melbourne
I get embarrassed that Neighbours is one of our exports. I don't think it represents our people at all well…do you folks feel accurately and/or honourably represented by Coronation Street? 
Actually, I was born and grew-up (used metaphorically), in Newcastle (approx. 160ks North of Sydney). I now live near Canberra, in the beautiful Snowy Mountains
Yeh! The 'flat' thing is seemingly a biological with me…I can appreciate flat places, just don't like living in them. You know what they say about Mountain Men…?
Re: France: Already well tempted…but I look forward to your pics and stories
Your ol' York chap sounds like he'd fit the bill nicely :- )
Cheers
Stephen G
Pete
/ October 16, 2009am i allowed not to like pearl jam. they did a decent victoria williams cover
Kate
/ October 16, 2009You're allowed to not like them Pete – I've known you long enough for musical differences to be put to one side. Which Victoria Williams song did they do? I've probably assumed it was theirs lol