Blogging Advice You Probably Can’t Use
The last few posts have been a mixture of snark and angst, so I thought I’d do something different this time. Inspired by a number of new bloggers I’ve met in the last week or two, I decided to share what I’ve learnt about blogging over the years. Trust me, this is useful stuff. Forget all those people who tell you how often to post, or how to install WordPress plugins, this is what you really need to know.
- There’s a man in Germantown, Washington County, (USA) who is quite scary. I’ve never met him, but he’s turned up here twice looking for something so odd, I can’t even include it in the posts listing weird search terms – and if you’ve seen those you can imagine how odd this is. Really, it’s weird in a totally-not-funny-makes-you-feel-kind-of-sick way. Go away nasty man!
- You can spend hours crafting what you consider to be the finest post you’re ever written, yet only three people will read to the end, and no one will comment. The next day you post a picture of a lolcat, it gets over 100 page views and a dozen comments within 10 minutes of publication.
- Of course, that finely crafted post may never see the light of day because your blogging platform of choice will eat your best posts. You can publish an endless stream of those lolcats, but the day you write something worthwhile, everything will go haywire and your post will vanish into some kind of vortex, never to be seen again. I’m pretty sure they’re all out there somewhere, just whirling around. You know how you hear about those random showers of fish, Saharan sand or gerbils? One day that will happen with blog posts. They’ll come raining down in some obscure, out of the way place such as Basingstoke. People will be shopping one minute, the next, they’ll be dodging missives containing film reviews, rants about annoying ex-boyfriends, tutorials about WP plugins and the better lolcats.
- Some people read your blog when they’re drunk, you can tell because they leave seriously strange comments. Yes, I am looking at you and you 
- No matter how long you’ve been blogging, or how good you are at it, someone who only started last month but has read a book about it, will try to give you advice. This usually consists of changing your theme to the same one everyone else uses and adding lots of adverts. When you politely decline their ‘advice’, they’ll become quite irate and dismiss you as an amateur. Three months later you’ll still be blogging, their blog will have disappeared.
- Good news for singletons - bloggers can have groupies too! Really. As your subscription numbers rise, so does your physical attractiveness. This is why Pete Cashmore is widely believed to be the second most attractive man on the internet, and Darren Rowse is known as the Tom Jones of blogging. Actually, that last bit isn’t strictly true, but I have a feeling some of his readers throw virtual knickers at him as they read his latest post.
- You’re either a blogger, or you aren’t. Like the advice giver mentioned above, some people just don’t get it and will give up in weeks – seriously, most bloggers stop within three months. Others stick around. Oh yes, we might have times when we say we can’t do it anymore, but it calls us back like a siren song. Even as you lie prostrate on a chaise longue, one arm draped elegantly across your forehead like the heroine in a Victorian melodrama, bewailing your complete lack of talent/inspiration (and seriously irritating anyone unfortunate enough to be within earshot), deep down you know, you will go back to it. And I did.
Hope that was useful, feel free to share your wisdom in the comments.
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Diddums
1Rhys
wrote on 3 August 2009 at 20:29
All very true. My observations:-
- 90% of your traffic will come from google if your name is similar to a porn star (google Rhyse Richards if you are so inclined!)
- Despite how approachable some A-List Bloggers may be, asking for help from them will always result in a cookie cutter response.
- Doing a guestpost on blogs will get you nowhere, as you'll often get a “great post [blogger's name]!” response.
- Every single affiliate programme sold on a blog will be useless the second you sign upto it.
And I'm done
2Kate
wrote on 3 August 2009 at 20:41
Funny you should mention porn star names – my only guest blogger shares his name with a gay porn star. I find that amusing.
Just Googled Rhyse Richards … so you're saying you're not a gorgeous, blonde MILF? That's the only reason I was reading.
I think guest posts are more useful for the link and I do get a bit of traffic from mine, but in terms of feedback, they aren't so great.
3Kim Ayres
wrote on 3 August 2009 at 23:47
There's another Kim Ayres out there who's a female body builder. In fact I'm linked to her on Facebook
One thing that is a pain in the butt on your site is I can't automatically comment from Blogger – you have all these different logins except blogger/google accounts.
But don't worry about me, I'll have given up in 3 months…
4Kate
wrote on 3 August 2009 at 23:58
Sorry about that Kim – it's a WordPress blog, so doesn't play nicely with Blogger. I have the oppposite problem with yours: unless I remember to put my url in, I comment using my Google account. One day, we'll all synchronise
lol Given up in 3 months, my bottom – you've one of the originals! Isn't it weird to see the newbies? They must think we're older than Moses' grandma.
5RKCharron
wrote on 4 August 2009 at 1:42
Hi
I loved this blog post.
Very witty and also wise.
I'll be keeping an eye on the skies for a sudden storm of blogs.
Love and best wishes,
twitter.com/RKCharron
xoxo
6Ria
wrote on 4 August 2009 at 8:40
Great post Kate, thanks for the advice =) Love your blog entries always makes me giggle =)
7Kim Ayres
wrote on 4 August 2009 at 9:57
The rate at which the Internet evolves, someone once said it's like doggy years. So my 4 years of blogging is the equivalent of being around for 28
8Diddums
wrote on 5 August 2009 at 0:14
You are right… your blog always calls you back when it has a strong enough presence in your life. I think everybody must go through 'down' periods at times, but even then you're constantly thinking “I must rant on my blog about how there are no tinned lychees in this town!!” I can't imagine being without my blog at all.
9Kate
wrote on 8 August 2009 at 12:05
I hate to think how old that makes me lol
10Kate
wrote on 8 August 2009 at 12:06
Thanks Rob
I'm glad you saw the wisdom, sometimes I worry it's hidden amidst a sea of … umm … well, whatever it is.
And yes, watch out for falling posts, it so could happen!
11Kate
wrote on 8 August 2009 at 12:06
Thank you
12Kate
wrote on 8 August 2009 at 12:09
Yay! How are you? Haven't spoken to you for ages
I have been reading, just not commenting much.
lol @ no tinned lychees … I know what you mean! Even when I've decided to give it all up, I still find myself composing posts in my head. In years to come they'll probably give blogging a label and add it to lists of psychological disorders lol
13Jason Slater
wrote on 11 August 2009 at 15:26
*They* do say all advice is good advice – I wonder if there is a WP plug-in that could dispense instant advice on a particular keyword
I don't know about you but I find a large majority of blog traffic comes to quite a small number of articles – what that means for the rest of the articles on a blog is anyone's guess.
14Kate
wrote on 12 August 2009 at 15:54
lol @ *They* Was it the Volvo ad which showed us who *they* were?
I've haven't heard of such a plugin, but I don't think it would be too difficult to create one. I don't know enough about the specifics to do it from scratch, but it should be possible to customise an existing plugin. Something like the ones that display contextual ads would do it.
I have the same experience, and it's often not the posts I expect to be most popular. One of the most popular here is a daft blog quiz I did a couple of years ago which told you what animal you were. That is in the top 10 most visited – people are actually searching Google wanting to know that lol
15Diddums
wrote on 15 August 2009 at 22:27
Hi, when I go through my down periods I don't even read the other blogs (blush). But usually I can catch up with them later.
Today I meant to blog about the Terminator, Bryce, tissues, perfume, folk who say it's important to tell the honest truth about the smallest and most transient things, Home Alone (though not really) and cookery! I don't know if any of them will make it onto my blog… one or two, perhaps.
16Kate
wrote on 16 August 2009 at 15:37
If would be a most eclectic post if they did all make it lol If you only pick two, the Terminator and cookery combination sounds fascinating.
17Diddums
wrote on 18 August 2009 at 0:38
Done! And I even managed the tissues in an earlier rant. All this despite being startled by the window cleaner. :-/
18Kate
wrote on 18 August 2009 at 17:51
Got to ask – what did the window cleaner do? I'm intrigued.
19Diddums
wrote on 20 August 2009 at 16:04
He just popped up at my upstairs window while I was blogging! Delilah (my girl cat) is not used to window cleaners, and ran off downstairs. Then she glared incredulously at me as though to say “well? Why aren't you marching out there with a stick to see him off??”
20Kate
wrote on 20 August 2009 at 17:57
And why weren't you? lol
21ThatsBlog.com
wrote on 25 February 2010 at 20:33
Thanks for your submission to the Seventy Seventh edition of the Blog Carnival: Blogging. Your post has been accepted and its live: http://thatsblog.com/blog-carnival-blogging/blo...
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