Just letting you know about some personal stuff
I’m not sure how much detail to go into in this post, even writing it feels a bit weird; I’ve never gone in for blogging about overtly personal matters. However, I do feel I should let you know what’s going on with me at the moment, not least because I know I’ve been a little irrational, and some of you must be wondering why.
To be blunt, life’s a bit of a bugger. I’ve got some personal stuff going on, some of it’s more annoying than anything else, and it is finite so I’m not going to go into that. On the other hand, there’s the big thing that I’ve been trying very hard not to think about.
Without going into too much detail (because I can’t) my son has joined the armed forces, and will be going to do his job for real in the not too distant future. I’m not coping particularly well, some days I get through, others I dissolve into tears at the slightest thing. I’ve had to make the sort of decisions no parent ever wants to have to make for their child. I know he’s doing what he wants to do, and no one forced him to join up, but still, it’s very hard to come to terms with. Umm, I was going to say more, but I’m getting tearful which makes it hard to type.
So, that’s me at the moment. I hope you’ll understand if, from time to time, I’m not my usual cheery self. I was going to take a step back from blogging/social networking, partly because I don’t want to turn up like a big black cloud depressing everyone, and partly because I feel quite fragile emotionally. But, that’s probably not a good move. Over the years I’ve got to know most of you very well, and I know you wouldn’t expect me to suffer in silence. And anyone who does, really isn’t worth bothering about.
Oh, one more thing: I see a lot of people around Facebook and Twitter talking about wanting to support the troops, and it’s touching to see that. If people really want to help them, the best way to do that is to write to your MP demanding they be given all the equipment they need to keep them as safe as possible. Items such as body armour and armoured cars that can withstand the blast from IEDs should be mandatory, not an optional extra.
ps: Thank you to John Haydon for his wise words and Spike for saying the right thing at the right time.
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Diddums
1johnhaydon
wrote on 28 July 2009 at 16:59
Kate – I have a son too, so I know what you must be feeling.
Use your blog to release your suffering. Many of the connections I have on social media certainly aren't actual “friends” – but many of them are very, very close friends. I can't tell you how many times they've made me realize that I'm not alone in my personal struggles.
Get the black cloud idea out of your head. Having the guts to share what you're going through creates hope for everyone. Check out http://postsecret.com
John
2Kim Ayres
wrote on 28 July 2009 at 17:00
I'm slowly becoming convinced my son will end up in the army, or the police force, or become a rugby player as some kind of rebellious backlash.
Seriously though, my thoughts are with you
3Steve Drake
wrote on 28 July 2009 at 17:07
Kate,
You son is just one of the many reasons why I am so proud to be part of the Christmas SPIRIT Foundation's Trees for Troops program. I've spent last four years at 3-4 bases each year as we deliver fresh, farm-grown Christmas Trees to military families, most of who have someone deployed. It is a little thing but makes one feel great to be part of sharing on behalf of so many. In last four years, CSF — with support from FedEx Freight — has delivered trees to more than 50,000 U.S. military families in 17 countries. And, the great news, we'll be doing it a gain in 2009.
Steve
4Renee Rellows
wrote on 28 July 2009 at 17:34
Good luck to you and your son, Kate. He is doing the job that enables us all to be free. I have two boys and can only imagine your fears and deep set panic as you watch him get ready to deploy. Pride mixed with shear terror. Tell him he is appreciated, respected and cherished by his fellow countrymen (and women) and know that we all say a silent (and sometimes voiced) prayer for their safety and quick return home.
God speed!
Renee
5reneerellows
wrote on 28 July 2009 at 17:34
Good luck to you and your son, Kate. He is doing the job that enables us all to be free. I have two boys and can only imagine your fears and deep set panic as you watch him get ready to deploy. Pride mixed with shear terror. Tell him he is appreciated, respected and cherished by his fellow countrymen (and women) and know that we all say a silent (and sometimes voiced) prayer for their safety and quick return home.
God speed!
Renee
6lilystrange
wrote on 28 July 2009 at 18:03
I would be terrified if it were me. This is the one and only reason that I feel a bit of relief that my son inherited the mood disorder gene. (His is unipolar depression–he doesn't seem to have triggered the bipolar one.) The military still doesn't want people with psych issues.
I hope with all my heart for your son's safe return. And here I was feeling at loose ends dealing with the prospect of an empty nest. I feel like a bit of a dork for that now. My son is going to Canada for a few months to work as a volunteer on an organic farming co-op, and then when he comes back he wants to get a job and apartment with a friend.
Feel free to email if you ever need to. I mean it.
lily@lilystrange.com
7Chairman Bill
wrote on 28 July 2009 at 18:14
Don't worry, he'll be back – more ugly and dangerous than ever.
8Kate
wrote on 29 July 2009 at 16:45
Hi John,
I've been lucky enough to make similar friends. I suppose that is one of the great things about being able to connect with people from such a variety of backgrounds, you are bound to find some who are in the same situation. No matter what problems we have, they're rarely unique.
Thanks for pep talk!
Oh, and I love Post Secret!
9Kate
wrote on 29 July 2009 at 16:47
You too – I'm beginning to think I should have brought him up to be irresponsible and anti-social – he'd probably have taken up architecture or something just to be difficult.
Thanks Kim!
10Kate
wrote on 29 July 2009 at 16:53
That's brilliant Steve! It must mean a lot to the families to know they haven't been forgotten. It's such a controversial thing, I think a lot of people forget there are real families with real emotions caught up in it.
11Kate
wrote on 29 July 2009 at 16:54
Thanks Renee!
12Kate
wrote on 29 July 2009 at 16:57
You aren't a dork! It's all relative. I'm worried about what might happen, but there are some parents who've already had to face the worst. They'd give anything to swap places with me.
And thank you! That's really kind of you.
13Kate
wrote on 29 July 2009 at 17:00
I can assure my son is not ugly, he's very good looking! And if you think the British army are dangerous, check out your local bus stop. I suspect you'll find lads of my son's age who'll kick your head in for looking at them funny, then steal the contents of your wallet to buy cheap cider.
14johnhaydon
wrote on 29 July 2009 at 17:09
Kate – I'm sure you've also been connecting with other moms on Twitter. Have you met @riasharon and @zenmommy ?
15Kate
wrote on 29 July 2009 at 17:28
I do chat to a few mums but I haven't met @riasharon and @zenmommy. Thanks for the recommendations! Off to add them now …
16Chairman Bill
wrote on 29 July 2009 at 17:32
Id rather take my chances with a thug at a bus stop than someone trained to kill in 16 different ways. The pity is that many who join the army find it difficult to reintegrate into normal life due ot being institutionalised and end up on the boards of banks or playing polo as a profession.
Kids are beautiful, adults aren't so beautiful – hence he'll come back uglier. We can't get away from it.
17riasharon
wrote on 29 July 2009 at 17:45
Thanks for the introduction, John. Kate, I can't really imagine what you must be feeling right now. My son is 5yo and I… I just can't. Big, big hugs to you. I really admire your strength in recognizing that this is your son's choice.
I would echo John's advice and know that you are not alone. Come join us on My Mommy Manual! I'm sure your thoughts and authenticity will be well received and may be just what another mom needs to hear.
18Kate
wrote on 29 July 2009 at 19:37
Oh Bill, you are cynical. I know lots of beautiful adults, and probably just as many horrific children.
I can see what you mean though, he will change, that's one of the things that worries me. But, it's more that I worry about a loss of innocence. He's got a very strong sense of right and wrong, and he's going to have to learn the hard way that the world isn't that simple.
Don't think there's much chance of my boy ending up as a polo playing plonker, not if I have anything to do with it anyway … which I will. I don't care how big is, he's still my little boy.
19Kate
wrote on 29 July 2009 at 20:15
It was tough, but part of being a parent is knowing that at some point you have to step back and let them make their own decisions. I could have applied lots of emotional blackmail to make him change his mind, but that would have been wrong. And where would it stop? I could do the same if he took up a dangerous sport, or bought a car, or rode a bike, or …
I love your site! Will definitely be dropping by.
20riasharon
wrote on 29 July 2009 at 20:28
Props to you! You are so in touch with your purpose as mom, and parenting from love (rather than fear).
21Ria
wrote on 4 August 2009 at 8:56
You must be in bits Kate, I always feel for parents/ relatives of these brave men, I cant imagine how you must be feeling. But as you know its his choice and you can only tell him how you feel about it, they will do what they want regardless. Im scared to death my DD starting secondary school this year, seems petty compared to your concerns *hugs*
22SpikeTheLobster
wrote on 5 August 2009 at 10:42
Just tweeted you a couple of notes, but thought I'd reproduce a bit here for others. My best friend has friends who went into Iraq at the start (the actual fighting stuff) and everything he tells me (which isn't much, of course) is VERY reassuring. Brit troops are very, very good at what they do and – despite the image of being careless and winging it all the time – are VERY sensible and careful.
And, as you can see, you have a TON of support. Glad I said the right thing for once, too!
23Kate
wrote on 8 August 2009 at 12:01
Thanks Ria! I remember being scared to death when my oldest started secondary school – it's a big step!
24Kate
wrote on 8 August 2009 at 12:03
Sorry for the late reply!
You did say the right thing, probably without realising it lol I was going through a bit of an angst ridden phase and letting my inner Sylvia Plath loose. That's never a good thing.