John Bates
Charlie Callahan
injaynesworld
debbie_suburbsanity
GregApparently, there’s some cricket thing going on. Ordinarily, I would know nothing of this*, but, for some reason, people keep talking to me about it. I’m not entirely sure why, but am tempted to ask, is it ’cause I is English?. If it is, I hate to disabuse these people, but we don’t all love cricket. There is no natural law that states s/he is English and shall therefore love all things crickety.
The truth is, most of us couldn’t care less about it. I personally think it is, quite possibly, the second most boring sport in the world**. I also have a theory about how it came into being which I will share with you today. I shall then pack a bag and head for a non-cricketing country to escape all the abuse I anticipate may be hurled at me.
My theory goes: Cricket was never actually intended to be a sport. It was invented by a group of men who decided it would be cool to stand around for hours, not doing much apart from smoking pipes and comparing beards***. The problem was, more industrious people (women) kept asking them why they were standing around not doing much, which made them feel pretty darn lazy.
The day was saved when one of them had a brilliant idea. He grabbed a plank, sent someone home to borrow an old tennis ball the family dog played with, and the two of them provided a diversion for all the other standing-around chaps. His gamble paid off, in fact it worked really well! People were convinced and wanted to know what this new game was. The bloke with a plank had a sudden moment of inspiration when he heard a grasshopper, and christened the game, cricket.
Of course, the only way to keep up the subterfuge was to turn up day after day to play ‘cricket’. Eventually, their ranks were swelled by other men who liked to stand around not doing much, and lo, the second most boring sport in the history of humanity was born.
And that’s what really happened! Honestly 
* To give you an idea of my lack of interest in it, today I tweeted that the cricket had kicked off. I have a feeling that’s not how matches start.
** The most boring? Golf. Which was invented by men who liked to wander around the countryside with other men, but were a bit insecure about their masculinity and felt they needed an excuse to do so.
*** It was the 19th century or something, they all had beards, even the women.
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Vlad Zablotskyy
/ July 9, 2009Needless to say it was the funniest thing I have read today. I am sure to be back for more insights on history of different sports.
kateblogs
/ July 9, 2009Thank you Vlad
I think I mention my theories about rugby somewhere, if I can find the link I'll post it for you.
Vlad Zablotskyy
/ July 9, 2009I can only imagine
. I do like some of the sport though (absolutely love football – our kind not American kind)…. But I can alway use some humor. My father used to say that football was born when 22 bored men had nothing better to do, so they started to chase a ball. 
Chairman Bill
/ July 9, 2009And what, pray, is so bad about smoking a pipe and comparing beards.
Have you read Douglas Adams' account of the Krikkit wars and the real origin of Krittit?
kateblogs
/ July 9, 2009I love our kind of football too! I'm a huge fan of Liverpool FC
Your dad was almost right about football, it did start out with bored men chasing a ball back in the middle ages. They went from village to village, but in huge numbers. I don't think it would be similar to the game we know today.
kateblogs
/ July 9, 2009There's nothing wrong with smoking a pipe and comparing beards, but people should be honest about it. Admit that's what they're doing and stop all this silly googly nonsense :-p
I don't think I have read that. I'm guessing it's a bit better than my efforts lol
Chairman Bill
/ July 10, 2009http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Places_in_The_Hitc...
Carolyn Cordon
/ July 10, 2009I'm with Chairman Bill. Douglas Adams sure knew what he was talking about.
Michael
/ July 14, 2009This is an outrageously hilarious piece fraught with your own special brand of outrageous humor. (God! The thought of you criticizing me sends shudders up my spine…reverberating down into the cellar.) Of course, baseball (our own peculiar pastime of overzealous fans, over-hyped players and overwhelming boredom) evolved from Cricket; it was inevitable. Anything you Brits can do we Americans can do more foolishly and expensively while going broke.
In any event, I'll have you know that insofar as “smoking pipes and comparing beards” is concerned, my friends and I were once guilty of that eccentricity many ages ago. And even though we didn't wander through England's green and pleasant lands, we did stagger down Brooklyn's gray and intriguing asphalt. We didn't have beards and pipes but did have permanent five o'clock shadows and cigarettes.
(One of your best lines of many best lines here: “It was the 19th century or something, they all had beards, even the women.”)
Thank you for one of the funniest, well-written articles that I ever read….You're always showing off, you no good….Oh, never mind. Over and out…of my mind.
kateblogs
/ July 23, 2009Thank you
I would never criticise you, well, not without provocation.
I thought baseball was based on rounders. Although, we may have copied baseball to come up with that.
In what way is Brooklyn's asphalt intriguing? Our asphalt is very dull. It sounds as though you were emulating the standing around chaps though, but in a more subtle way.
GrayFoxDown
/ July 24, 2009You're right: Baseball is indeed based on rounders and NOT on cricket…even though it should have been. I stand corrected. (I certainly won't provoke you!!!)
Brooklyn's asphalt isn't intriguing in of itself, but rather for the wine, women and song that it led to. Then again, I was much younger and more energetic in those days and often led astray. However, that's another story, and it contains material that's not completely fictional…a departure from the norm for me.
kateblogs
/ July 25, 2009I used to like playing rounders, it's a lot more fun than cricket. At least something happens and it doesn't take all day.
Not completely fictional – so you're not really a mustang driver from Brooklyn? Hmm. In that case, I suspect you may be a Fiat Uno driver from Basingstoke.
GrayFoxDown
/ July 25, 2009Everything about me is a truly nonfictional…if it were otherwise, I would have come up with a more dynamic fictional character and placed him in a more captivating fictional time and place. As it turned out, I allowed my autobiography to write itself and find myself today with only limited material to work with.
But a Fiat Uno driver from Basingstoke?…now there's food for thought!
Kate
/ July 25, 2009Michael, you are not a Fiat driver from Basingstoke, you are a ray of sunshine on an otherwise stormy blog.
GrayFoxDown
/ July 25, 2009That's not a ray of sunshine…that's my barbecue grill ablaze through the stormy confusion!
But seriously: Thanks so much, Kate. You do indeed go to my head.
Kate
/ July 25, 2009lol @ that's my barbecue grill ablaze through the stormy confusion!
“You do indeed go to my head.”
I have that effect, like champagne, or those very strong killers that make you feel peculiar..