Itisi

The nebulous ramblings; grammatical & punctuational experiments of a girl born on the fifth of November

Whatever Will They Type Next: July 2010

You know you’ve neglected your blog, when you go to log in, and realise you’ve forgotten the password. Yes, that did happen. I just had to click the reset link *blushes*

Anyhoo, I didn’t come here to tell  you about my nincompoopery – I’m sure you’ve figured that out – no, it’s time to share some of the more unusual or puzzling search terms people have used to find this blog. This crop is a mixed bag, some odd, some that don’t make sense, and one that is more than a bit scary.

internet good - I have a mental image of this being typed by Joey from Friends. (That only works if you’ve seen the episode in which Rachael makes trifle).

carol vorderman in boots/carol vorderman boots – After Carol’s performance on Question Time I can’t help but think ‘carol vorderman straightjacket’ would be more apt.

pay me – What is this, extortion by search term? No, I don’t think I will random search term person.

is it illegal to – Possibly. Could you be more specific? But, to give general guidance (yes, I’m a helpful blogger), if it involves public nudity, buying substances from dodgy geezers on street corners or running a ‘gentlemens’ club’, then yes it probably is. However, on the flip side, doing any of those things will outrage Daily Mail readers, so it is worth running the risk of a criminal record. (You get extra bonus outrage points if you can get a gypsy, an illegal immigrant and a single mother to accompany you).

david cameron funny – He is? Can’t say I’d noticed, but I suppose humour is a highly subjective thing. Unless, they mean funny-peculiar, in which case then yes, I see their point.

pile of dead babies – That has got to be the creepiest thing ever! Why would someone search for that, and why is Google telling them I have it here?! I don’t! Go away you weird baby hating weirdo!

asda sabotage – This is perplexing. Why would someone sabotage Asda (for people in the US, it’s our version of Walmart)? I can understand why they might not want to shop there, but sabotage is a bit much. Either don’t use the shop, or, a better plan, do go there but don’t buy anything. Instead, walk past the meat counter sniffing and occasionally gagging to suggest you can smell something really unpleasant. This works even better if you can borrow a toddler who is still in nappies. Not that I’ve done it, I’m just saying.

Finally, not ignoring comments! Will respond asap!

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My neverending wait for a T-Mobile phone

Do I speak some strange form of English intelligible only to me? Well, on occasion I probably do, but I think I’m pretty good at making myself clear most of the time, aren’t I? The reason I’m asking is because either I’m not one of life’s natural communicators, or the people at T-Mobile don’t read my emails. And why am I emailing the people at T-Mobile? That’s a rather sorry tale.

For a while now my mobile has been troublesome. It was only cheap when I bought it, and has been dropped several times, so it was only to be expected that it wouldn’t be very long lived. Last week (on the 29th June), it completely died and no amount of charging, shaking or pleading could bring it back to life.

So, I looked for a replacement. A search of Amazon turned up one I liked and, with the clarity of hindsight, I should have bought that one there and then, but I didn’t. Instead, I did a quick search of Google to find out more about the phone, and discovered the same model was cheaper direct from T-Mobile. The dead phone was with T-Mobile, and they seemed ok – apart from a weird habit of blocking social networks and making you phone up to ask for permission to use them. (Please T-Mobile person, let me use Twitter, I promise not to post photos of my bum). So, I ordered the phone from them, naively expecting it to arrive within a day or two – I could manage for a day or two.

A day or two went by with no sign of the phone. Then another day or two, and another. Finally, yesterday, I’d had enough of waiting, so I emailed them to cancel the order. Today, I got an email back from them saying they were processing my order, I just needed to phone them to provide more information about myself. WTF!

They already have my name, my address, my bank details, and if I’m remembering correctly – it was so long ago – my date of birth. How much much more could they possibly need to know?! Even better, the number they provided was not a freephone one, so I’d have been calling them at my own expense. And which bit of ‘I want to cancel this order’ did they not understand? Is that an ambiguous statement? I didn’t think so, but then I’m the silly sod who didn’t buy from Amazon because she thought she had got a better deal elsewhere, so what do I know.

I’ve emailed them back – using fairly simple words in the hope that this time they will understand what I’m saying to them – and repeated my wish to cancel the order and explained that I feel a nine day wait for an item I could buy off the shelf in a supermarket is somewhat extreme. Am I wrong in thinking that?

Anyhoo, it’s now 8th July. I still don’t have a phone. I am about to buy one – yes, from Amazon.

I appreciate you dropping by,
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